The monsters inside our head
How I faced my monsters and slowed down my anxiety.
When we grew up, we traded the monsters under our bed for the ones inside our head. The Sunday scaries and the Monday mornings. The racing thoughts that wouldn’t stop even after the lights are turned off. The responsibilities of adulthood was served with a side of uncertainty. We became conditioned to harbor doubts and assume worst case scenarios. Because the “real world” taught us there is a cost to naiveté.
I didn’t realize I had anxiety until I left school. My friends would describe to me how it felt, but I never quite understood it. That was because I never looked closely enough. In the few years after college, I started actually noticing how easily I got frustrated with the smallest things and how I stayed up ruminating over past conversations. I found myself needlessly seeking reassurance in the smallest of things. It never hit me before, but I realized I’ve always had anxiety. I just didn’t recognize it.
In the years following this discovery, I started to notice how anxiety affected me. Like how I’m unable to focus when anxiety struck. I would shift from tasks to tasks because there were too many to-do’s and not enough time. Everything was a priority.
Because of this, I grew impatient. Especially with those around me. My family and friends took the brunt of it. Something I’m embarrassed about. The grace and patience they showed me during those trying times would be something that I’ll be forever grateful for.
When I realized how much damage this ailment inflicted on me and those I care about, I started to look for a remedy.
The first step in solving any problem is to identify the problem and understand it.
So I began introspecting.
I took time to retrace the embarrassing moments when my anxiety flared up. When it caused me to scrutinize even the most inconsequential details and when it caused me to lose my cool. I replayed those moments. Observed them, and sought to understand them. Why they happened. What caused them to happen. And how they eventually subsided.
There are too many learnings to enumerate in a single post. Learnings such as the cyclical nature of my anxiety. The different types of triggers. And how ego played a big role. So I’ll stick to one that was most impactful for me – the existence of what I call the “speed state”.
The speed state is the term I use to describe my mind when it goes into overdrive. Everything is falling apart, and everything needed to be fixed immediately. During speed states, I’ve found these commonalities:
I couldn’t stay focused on a single task. My to-do list would be long, but as I tried to tackle one, my mind would be debating whether I should be prioritizing another task instead.
As a result, I shifted from task to task. I’d start working out, but after a few sets, I’d convince myself I’d need to go home to finish reading a book. While reading the book, I’d remember the dishes that are yet to be washed and proceed to doing that instead.
Because I keep leaving tasks half finished, I don’t end up accomplishing anything. The impatience and frustration would then grow outwards. I’d complain that the apartment repair isn’t happening fast enough; the driver in front of me is driving too slow; the pedestrian walking across the street was judging me.
I feel embarrassed recounting the insecurities exhibited when anxiety flared up. But that was what I needed to do to get better. During these speed states, Everything seemed to be in a state of flux. Everything seemed to be rushed. There were too many things to do but too little time.
During the times that anxiety flared up, I sought ways to eliminate it completely. But I quickly realized that was not possible, nor was it desirable. Anxiety is a natural part of the human mind and it has a role to play. The answer isn’t to eliminate anxiety, but to manage it.
To manage anxiety, I needed a way to manage the “speed state”.
“Slow State” (creative names, I know) for me is a state of calm and clarity. I feel in control. More specifically, I focus on the things I can control and I let go of the things that I can’t. In this state, I still feel my emotions but I can better see them for what they are so I can respond accordingly. It’s not easy to get into this state of mind, especially at times when anxiety strikes. Progress is slow, but it’s progress nevertheless. And practice helps.
Physically slow down.
When I catch my mind speeding up, I try to make my physical self slow down. Once I notice it, I literally start taking bigger strides at a slower pace. I start breathing deeper and slower. I even slow down my words if I’m talking to someone.
If I have the time, and if I needed it, I’ll even find a menial, monotonous task like putting up the dishes or folding laundry to ground myself. This doesn’t immediately untie the knot in my stomach or relieve the tightness in my chest. But it starts up the resetting process. It allows me to think a bit clearer and put things in perspective again.
Break out of the environment.
To break out of the mind’s speed state, I’ve found it helpful to physically disrupt it. By that, I mean moving to a different space completely. It helps reset my perspective sometimes and it gives me some breathing room.
If you’re at work, go to a different floor to cool off. Step outside the building and walk around the building.
Write it out.
Delete it right after if you want. But write out exactly how you feel. Start with physical. Is your breathing fast? Is someone or something bothering you? Start with that. And keep writing down everything that pops in your mind.
The act of writing things out means you don’t have to store it in your brain. It frees up brain space to focus on recovering.
Manage the highs.
Anxiety feels very similar to excitement when I really think about it. When I break down these emotions, they both feel like heightened emotions. They’re both hard to control. When I’m excited, I also get into a form of “speed state”. I just don’t notice it as much because excitement is a positive feeling so I tend not to be as motivated to manage it.
Managing the highs, the excitements, isn’t about taking away the positivity. For me, it’s about observing the excitement and relishing in it without it getting out of control. I know it’s gotten out of control when I feel myself falling hard from the highs afterwards.
Stay vigilant.
The best time to work on anxiety is when you’re not in an anxious state. But that’s also when you’re least motivated to work on it. Try to remind yourself to be vigilant. To continue to observe your emotions and your reactions to them.
It’ll be hard at first. You’ll likely only notice the reactions at first. That’s ok. When you recognize it afterwards, just think through the sequence of events that led up to it. Someone did something. You feel pressure building up. That pressure turns into anger. The anger led to outburst.
Slowly but surely, you’ll be able to lengthen the time between feeling the emotion and bursting out. And eventually, you’ll start finding yourself able to stop the reaction.
Introspection.
I’d imagine everyone’s anxiety presents itself slightly differently. Everyone has different triggers and different manifestations of anxiety. The most helpful thing for me has been to really think about anxious episodes after they happen. What happened? What caused it to happen? What made me calm down afterwards?
When you start to see the patterns, you’ll start to be able to notice the triggers. Once you understand your own specific patterns, you’ll be better equipped to decide which tactics work best.
Go analog.
Switching out some digital products to their analog counterparts has helped me slow down overall. Instead of a smart watch, I opt for the Casio GWM5610-1 (a digital watch). Instead of reading on my iPad or Kindle, I go for physical books instead (they feel better too). Instead of journaling on the phone, I’ll write my thoughts out on a physical journal.
Going analog forces me to physically slow down. It also limits distractions, which in my opinion, contributes to general anxiety.
When we grew up, we traded the monsters under our bed for the ones inside our head. For some of these monsters, the better we know them, the less scary they become. That was the case for me with anxiety.
The progress is very slow. It is also jagged rather than a straight line. Despite all that I said, I still catch myself reacting uncontrollably to emotions sometimes. I still catch myself speeding up even after employing all the tactics. But over the years, I do feel like I have become better at managing my emotions. Progress is slow, but it is there. Taking the time to think on this and work on this has been one of the best investments I’ve made for myself. I hope you’ll make the same investment for yourself.
PS: I left out two other methods that has been helpful: Journaling and Meditating. I wrote more about them in this earlier post if that is of interest.
There is something steadying about how you wrote this. Instead of trying to erase anxiety, you learned to understand it, name it, and slow it down. The idea of a “speed state” is familiar. Moving slower on purpose, changing spaces, and going analog are things more of us could use. Thanks for laying it out in a way that feels human instead of clinical.
🌿 This resonates deeply with what I see in my therapeutic work. The “speed state” you describe is such an accurate picture of what chronic overload feels like — the mind rushing ahead, everything feeling urgent, the nervous system stuck in overdrive. Many high performers live in that state for years without recognizing it as anxiety.
✨ And your insight about slowing down physically is powerful. Regulation often begins in the body long before the mind catches up. The shift into a calmer, more grounded “slow state” is exactly where clarity, presence, and sustainable choices return.
💛 Thank you for naming this with so much honesty — it’s a reminder that progress with anxiety is slow, nonlinear, and absolutely worth investing in. 🙏
When you talk about ‘slow state,’ do you see it as something people can intentionally cultivate into a personal rhythm, not just a rescue technique?